She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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