sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
