There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
