You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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