I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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