cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
