6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do herpes really smell.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His hands were made for my vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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