Its about making memories worth repressing
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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