I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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