Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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