you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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