Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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