go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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