i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
