is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize