Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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