dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
