dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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