I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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