I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
