At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
