He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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