I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize