I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
