I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
