Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
