It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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