I can't watch pbs sober anymore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
