Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
