3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
