I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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