I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Houston, we have a squirter
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
