Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
