Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
