I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
