You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
