Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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