apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
