we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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