i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
