he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
