dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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