Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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