I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
