Whats the glycemic index on semen?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
