I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
