I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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