i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
