i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
