i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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