haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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