I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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