I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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