Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
