That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
