Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
