just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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