i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Terrible idea I love it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize