i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
