I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
