That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
