awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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