how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
