do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize