my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
