Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
