haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
