Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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