then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
