Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
