It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
